Monday, May 19, 2014

The Terror of Driving

So last friday I hung out with my very dear friend, Ms. Audrey. We headed down to the neighborhood gas station after being rejected by this negative and unfriendly child. So we bought a shit ton of calories and my diet was instantly ruined. They we hung out at the park by our elementary school for a while.

Completely normal day.

About an hour later
Her dad came to pick us up.

I know what you're thinking.
"How nice of him, now you don't have to walk all the way home!"

that is not what happened.

Her dad pulled up in his stick shift VW and announced "Audrey! You're gonna drive!"
Of course Audrey replied with "What chu talking about!" and I stood there like "What the hell! She doesn't even have her permit!"

"Too bad! Get in the car!" And Audrey preceded to get into the front seat and I hesitantly got into the back, making sure my seatbelt was properly fastened despite knowing it would do no good in the inevitable accident.

The keys were turned and the engine of the car roared in protest, knowing that it was facing death in the face in the form of a 15 year old girl. The Wagon was put into reverse and the jerky ride began.
Audrey managed to back out of the parking spot and then continue to turn the car around. Too bad there was a gigantuous white pickup truck right behind us. The car continued to back up and the truck got closer and closer.
"stap Stap STAAAAAHP" Her dad and I yelled in unison. Luckily her dad had hold of the emergency break right before we practically died.
Even if we survived, I think the owner of this thing would have killed us.

After that Audrey drove us into the parking lot of the gas station nearby. "Ok, I'm done!" She declared.
Now it was her dad's turn "What CHU talking about? You're driving us home!"
"WHAT!!!!!!! Dad! Noooo! I can't do that! There are important people in this car, I can't wreck!!!" (I think I was the important person being mentioned.)
But her father would not be swayed. Audrey was forced to drive us all the way up to her house. Very...very...slowly.

Thank god.

But sadly other drivers did not seem to appreciate the precautions being taken to make sure I didn't DIE! Looking in the rearview mirror Audrey proclaimed in horror "Look, I'm causing traffic!"
Her  dad just shrugged it off telling her not to worry, even though it pretty much looked like I-80 up there.
Look what you caused. 

When we finally got back to her house Audrey's father told her to park on the side of the road with one tire in the empty lot.

I think Audrey took this the wrong way.

I think she was imagining something like this.

Yes... after that stressful experience her dad was going to take it one step farther and tell her to survive the wilderness. No........ that wasn't gonna happen.

So.... I survived the trip. And now I am forever scarred by the experience.