Bye Bye Birdie

Last night was my High Schools opening performance of Bye Bye Birdie. I am in the pit orchestra for the show and let me tell you, it has been ruining my life for the past month.

Don't get me wrong, it has been a ton of fun. But it has literally become my life. Ever day after school I had to stay until six o'clock to practice. This has been the hardest music I have even had to play and the most work I have ever had to put into something.

For the past four weeks I have been stressing out over one specific song.

Spanish Rose

I sat there for the entire show thinking about it and now wanting screw it up and destroy the entire play.

That song will be the reason I jump of the balcony of the auditorium. Half the song is a clarinet solo, all me. And I literally could not play it until last night.

I sat there, staring at the music thinking, Oh God here it comes. I put the clarinet on my face and I hear the moment of silence before my solo. And then I play.

But it was amazing! My band director always talks about superman syndrome and about how we have to go home and practice because we aren't going to be magically good on the of the performance. Well I beg to differ.

I played it the best I haver had. I was so proud of myself! 

My reaction to me actually succeeding was this.

And now all of the practices are over, we just have three more performances to go and then I'm done! DONE!!! I am so sick of this show. I know every single line by this point and all of the jokes are no longer funny.

Even when a girl has to scream at the top of her lungs "LET'S HAVE AN ORGY " (pronounced wrong)

It's just not funny anymore.

But after Saturday I never have to listen to "WE LOVE YOU COMRADE, OH YES WE DO" ever again! I think I probably hate Comrade more than Mr. McAfee does.......

Good Bye for now my little Panda Bears! \(*.*)/

Existential Crisis

There is something out there called an Existential Crises. Basically it is where you question the very meaning of life and can't think of a reason for you to exist.

I am having that Crisis.

I don't know what I'm doing. With anything. I can't do anything lately without questioning what purpose it serves in the universe. I am just one small creature on this tiny planet in this minuscule galaxy. What does anything matter? I'm never going to become successful, change people lives, make a difference in this puny county of ours. 

I have been thinking about this for a while now. The last few weeks I have been contemplating why I am even here and what they hell my purpose for existence is.

Last night I broke down.

I was lying in bed, probably dreaming about Andy Biersack or something. 

When suddenly....

This is a very important question. And I spent the rest of the night contemplating it. My conclusion:

I'm currently in a state where I can't find joy in anything, can't be saddened by anything, because nothing really matters in the large scale of the world. I will not make a difference in this world. I do not have the power to make a difference. One person is not big enough to change anything in the grand scheme of things. 

I curled up in a ball last night and couldn't sleep because all I could think about was how there was no meaning in my life. I don't want to talk to anybody today. Can I just go home and curl up into a ball and sleep for eternity?

I HAVE A SAXOPHONE

Sorry about all the resent band posts..... If you really don't care then don't bother with this post.

So you're still here?

:) Yay!

If you read my post yesterday you will have a good idea of what this post is going to be about. That and the title is pretty self exclamatory.

I have a Alto Saxophone.

It's mine.

It was bought for me, all for me.

Not one of the schools shitty pieces of junk that pass for instruments.

A REAL Saxophone.


So if you know anything about Saxophones you would like to know that I got a YAS 62 III. It's a professional Yamaha Saxophone is the most beautiful thing I own next to my clarinet. (which is a Yamaha 650)

But alas.... It has been taken from me until Christmas morning. I can not play this beautiful new instrument until Christmas...... because this is my gift.

I want it now!

I don't care if I sound like a brat! I have tasted perfection and now I will settle for nothing less! I want that new instrument and I want it now!
I am seriously considering doing the same thing I did when my parents took my new clarinet away.
.
.
.
Yes..... when I'm a bad child the worst punishment my parents can think of is to take away an instrument and make me play a bad one instead......

But anyway, when that happened I switched the instruments from their two different cases and my parents never knew the difference, I just had a brand new clarinet in an old case. It worked well.

But I'm not going to do that, because then on Christmas it will feel like I didn't get anything when really I got an instrument worth over four grand.
(my parents didn't pay that much.... there was a super Christmas sale)

Anyway! Look at it!

Are you looking???? Are you looking at my new glorious child! 

My mother took me down to the music store right after I got home from school yesterday and we got to go try new Saxophones and this was the one I picked. It makes me SOOOOO happy! 

I walked into the store and there were about 5000000BIMILLION SAXOPHONES! I was given one and then the sales man walked my mom and I all round the store like three times before finally putting me in a closet letting me try playing it there. 

I quickly decided it was the most luxurious thing I had ever played! 

And then we bought it.......

It was that simple!

The entire way home I held the new instrument within its case on my lap and gushed to my mother about how happy I was. 

So sorry if you really don't care and I bored you with this post. The entire point was to brag about my new instrument ;) 

FYI this is the first post I have ever illustrated and I had a lot of fun doing it. I think you can expect to see more awful drawings from me in the future. :)

Good Bye for now my little Panda Bears \(*.*)/

New Instrument of Jubilation

Today is the first day in three weeks that I don't have to say at school until after dark for pit orchestra. Instead today we are doing a dress rehearsal at 7, so I should be able to go home and sleep for a few hours because I am incredibly behind on sleep. But guess what I'm doing instead?

Last night my parents told me they wanted to take me to the Summerhays music store to by me a new Saxophone.......

.

.

.

......... a new instrument.

OMGFUCKINGGODIAMSOUNBELIEVABLYHAPPYABOUTTHISICOULDJUSTDIERIGHTHEREBUTTHENIWOULDNTBEABLETOPLAYTHENEWGLORISOUSINSTRUMENTTHATIAMABOUTTORESEAVE

im excited

IMSOHAPPYIWANTTOSCREAMITTOTHEWORLD

So I got a new Clarinet for my birthday in May.

If you are interested and actually know anything about clarinets I have a Yamaha 650 and I think it is absolutely amazing.

If you don't know this is a damn good instrument

I have mentioned that I would like a new Saxophone so I don't have to play on the school's suckish Armstrong Alto Saxophone I have been playing on. FYI they haven't made Armstrong Saxophones since the 80s. It is extremely shitty.

Because I got a new Clarinet just a few months ago I really did not have even a shred of hope of actually getting a real Saxophone. But I am. I am going right after school today to pick out a new instrument.

This is actually happening to me.

I will update you tomorrow on the wondrous instrument that will enter my possession.

Good bye for now my little Panda Bears. \(*.*)/

Why I want to dye my hair......

I have wanted to be able to dye my hair for the longest time. Since last year, in fact over the summer I tried so hard to get my mother to let me do it but she is dead set against it.

I would want either light blue/turquoise,  bright pink, or white hair. One day I WILL dye my hair. But for now I can just look at these pictures of girls with amazing hair and with I had hair like this.

I want the scene/indie look. I think the style is amazing and super cutie!

These are all great examples of how I want to cut my hair. I have brown hair and pretty decent bangs right now.

super cute bangs!

Her entire haircut is amazing

I want these bangs so badly!

Here are examples of dye jobs I either want or just think are amazing. 

I may have gotten a bit excited with all of the super hot scene hair.

So ya and I know at least three of these are Leda! <3 I love her

Good bye for now my little Panda Bears! \(*.*)/

Stereo Types

Most people like to believe that they know stereo types are bad. In fact I don't know a single person who doesn't think that people should't "judge a book by its cover" or whatever other fun quote and saying you can think of. But the truth is that almost everybody does it.

The definition of stereo type is a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or ideal of a particular type of person or thing. Well trust me, my friends and I are constantly the subjects of Stereo Types.

The reason I want to wright this post is to call out all the adults out there who think they know everything about us kids. I was inspired to write this because after school today my friends Audrey, Courtney, and I went down to 7 eleven to get some peace tea and sour patch kids. Before heading down to the gas station we stopped by the high school to drop off all our shit. Well, we always go through the entrance of the auditorium. This entrance opens up into a big lobby where there is this giant statue of what is supposed to be a dude playing the guitar and one amazing grand piano. 

Well today there was a Ted Talk at the auditorium and there were all these volunteers cleaning up after the event. We walked in, me in my panda hat, Courtney with her freshly dyed bright blue hair, and Audrey just being her awkward self. 

I could tell what they were thinking as soon as they looked at us. They looked at Courtney, and I could see it in their eyes; they saw a girl that was obviously going to amount to nothing in life and drop out of high school. It pissed me off to see them judging her. But Courtney doesn't care. She is a individual that doesn't give a fuck about what anybody else thinks because she knows she perfect. But stupid judgmental adults don't see us that way. 

Now at this point Audrey had gone down to the band room put her stuff away and I had given her my stuff to take with because frankly I am just too damn lazy to walk down there myself. So I stayed in the lobby with Courtney. If you haven't read Courtney's blog (which I linked above) you should because you will discover that she is an extremely gifted person. 

Dat girl can make a deaf man cry with her piano playing. 

She is literally one of the most amazing piano players I have ever heard, including professionals that I would have hear in the media. And when she sees a piano she just has to share her gift with everybody. She ran to the piano, the judgmental adults watching, and sat down on the bench. 

She set her fingers down on the keys, they were still blue from hair dye, and began to play. I think I may have enjoyed it a little to much as I watched there condescending eyes widen as they listened to the wonderful music that Courtney was making. 

In my head I was just thinking "Hah! Suck it" It was so perfect.