Thursday, November 21, 2013

Existential Crisis

There is something out there called an Existential Crises. Basically it is where you question the very meaning of life and can't think of a reason for you to exist.

I am having that Crisis.

I don't know what I'm doing. With anything. I can't do anything lately without questioning what purpose it serves in the universe. I am just one small creature on this tiny planet in this minuscule galaxy. What does anything matter? I'm never going to become successful, change people lives, make a difference in this puny county of ours. 

I have been thinking about this for a while now. The last few weeks I have been contemplating why I am even here and what they hell my purpose for existence is.

Last night I broke down.

I was lying in bed, probably dreaming about Andy Biersack or something. 

When suddenly....

This is a very important question. And I spent the rest of the night contemplating it. My conclusion:

I'm currently in a state where I can't find joy in anything, can't be saddened by anything, because nothing really matters in the large scale of the world. I will not make a difference in this world. I do not have the power to make a difference. One person is not big enough to change anything in the grand scheme of things. 

I curled up in a ball last night and couldn't sleep because all I could think about was how there was no meaning in my life. I don't want to talk to anybody today. Can I just go home and curl up into a ball and sleep for eternity?

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